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The Darkness of Disbelief

At one point in my life, in fact it happened on a particular morning on a particular day in 2005, I realised I didn’t believe in God anymore. This wasn’t an intellectual thing. It was something I suddenly felt, or rather it was the lack of a feeling. Until that morning I had felt the presence of God every time I prayed, and from that morning I could no-longer feel it.

This ruptured the core of my life. It left me lost and viscerally depressed, deprived of my life’s meaning and purpose. Since my family were Christian and almost all of my friends were Christian, I also found myself feeling alone. But I could not hide from it, and I couldn’t pretend that it hadn’t happened. I wasted no time trying to warm myself on a fire that no-longer gave heat, and I stepped out into the darkness of disbelief.

19th June 2016 by Kit 2 Comments

Filed in journal and tagged atheism, belief, Christianity, doubt, God, spiritual journey.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. WARUNADA NAK-IEM says

    23rd August 2016 at 10:22 pm

    This is so touching…. the words are beautiful..
    Can i ask you about what do you believe now ?

    Reply
    • Kit says

      9th September 2016 at 4:34 pm

      Hi there Warunada,

      Sorry it took me so long to reply. And thank you for your kind comment.

      Your question really got me thinking. I can’t really say what I believe in just a few words, but I’m thinking about a blog post to explain why it’s ‘how you believe’ rather than ‘what you believe’ that is most important to me now.

      Reply

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