alcohol

goodbye drugs, hello clarity

It’s easy for someone who blogs about wellbeing (especially one who’s also a Reiki teacher) to fall into a trap. It’s the trap that says I’ve made it—I’ve found inner peace, health, and everything in my life has fallen into place. But inauthenticity is like a siren: a sign that something’s wrong, and a bloody obvious sign at that. So here’s my confession.

Since I became an adult, able to choose what I do and when I do it, I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with what I put into my body. I’ve used substances as an escape, a way to hide from myself.

The most obvious thing I put into my body that has caused me trouble is alcohol. I tell myself that I need to relax, that I work myself too hard anyway, and that having a drink will help. While there is some truth to this, I’ve got a weakness, which I think runs in my family, that means I quickly get dependent on alcohol. It’s not that I binge drink, just that I find myself wanting a drink (or two, or three) every day. This isn’t necessarily a problem, except for the fact that a feeling builds up in my body—the feeling that things aren’t really well for me. When I take a break from drinking, that feeling goes away.

Since I became a non-drinker on 20th July this year, I’ve felt clearer, healthier, and that I have more energy. The only times I’ve wanted a drink since then has been with friends who are drinking, but the desire quickly passes.

But I’ve been a bit like the monk who, following the Buddhist monastic rule of no food after mid-day, decides to take up soft drinks and cigarettes, which he enjoys each afternoon. (Yes, I really met a monk that did that. He lives in Koh Chang.) He hasn’t broken any formal rule, but he has missed the spirit of the rule: refraining from ingesting certain things in order to focus on the interior life.

And what did I do to replace the alcohol? Just like him, cigarettes!

This gave me another escape. Tobacco isn’t nearly as fun as alcohol, but it still changes your state of mind, so when you don’t want to face how you truly feel, it’s a quick and easy escape. On a par with alcohol, at least for me, is its negative health effects. The hot smoke would irritate my throat, and just one cigarette would make me feel different all day, a kind of messiness in my chest. It was also psychological: feeling that I had done one damaging thing to my body in the morning would make me feel less positive throughout the day; there would be a lingering negative feeling that accompanied the lingering physical effects.

I thought I’d just have the one pouch of tobacco and then stop, but I didn’t even last that long. The rewards of smoking were just so small compared to the negative effects. And after smoking for a few weeks it became clear what I really wanted: the ability to live my life, to face my real emotions, without relying on drugs.

I smoked my last cigarette on 21st October. The next day I took a bus to the seaside, and then a ferry boat to the beautiful island of Koh Samet, where I am now. I’ve been staying on a secluded little beach with just a few other guests. Most of them (it’s surprising how many) are drinking, or smoking, or both. The beach is about relaxing, right? So alcohol and tobacco should really help. That’s the logic I always took with me on previous beach holidays, anyway. But this time, without either of those crutches, I’ve had to appreciate what’s really going on. It’s a different attitude, where I can no-longer hide away from how I really feel, because I don’t have either of those buttons to press that can make me feel different.

The fact is, I’ve been feeling quite good (except this annoying cold I came down with yesterday). Seeing the other guests smoking and drinking has made me miss both a little, but really not much at all.

On previous beach holidays I always had the option to smoke or drink, if I felt like I wanted to change my state of mind. It was like a safety net: if I’m not enjoying myself enough, or I don’t feel relaxed enough, I have an option. And being without that option means I have to experience things with more courage, because I know that even if I don’t feel the way I want to, I’m going to stay with it.

This has transformed my experience. I’ve had clarity and mindfulness in a way I’ve not had in a really long time. And I’ve felt more centred in myself, and comfortable with who I am. In some ways it’s been tough, but in the opposite way to cigarettes: cigarettes are easy, provide a pathetically small boost, and have lasting negative effects. Being free from these substances has required strength, and has provided significant improvement in my wellbeing, without any negative effects.

I used these drugs in the past because I didn’t want to be the uber-disciplined, holier-than-thou guy who didn’t know how to have fun. I wanted to be relaxed and free. Getting really drunk certainly makes you relaxed and free, but the cost for me was just too high. So now that I step out in life (back to work tomorrow!) without these crutches, please wish me well.

three technologies that have made me healthier

This post does not contain any affiliate links. I’m sharing these things because they’ve made a difference to my life, and they might help you too.

People complain that technology adds stress to their lives. This is true, but it’s not the whole of the story. In this post I’m going to describe three changes I’ve made to my life, with the help of technology, which mean that I’m feeling healthier today than ever before.

Andrew Johnson is a clinical psychologist and hypnotherapist who has produced some great apps and mp3s. I’ve been a fan ever since I tried Relax Plus, and found myself in a deeply relaxed state after just a few minutes. The app I use most regularly, especially to turn my brain off before sleep, is Infinite Relaxation, but Andrew also offers a wide range of therapy topics. I tried one of these recently that has made a very big difference in my life.

I’ve often felt that I drink more alcohol than I would like, and so I decided to try the stop drinking mp3, which the description says will help you “stop drinking altogether or cut down and regain control”. I was hoping for the cut down option, but I got more than I bargained for.

I fell asleep as I was listening to the recording, but woke up towards the end. As I regained consciousness, I inexplicably felt that something powerful was taking place. I didn’t know exactly what, but it soon became clear: I was becoming a non-drinker. Andrew Johnson was planting the seed, which I accepted, first unconsciously and, later, consciously. Alcohol had been causing me needless stress, expense, and negative physical effects, and my whole being realised that enough is enough. No more alcohol.

My positive habit tracker, lift.do, tells me that I have been alcohol free for 34 days. I’ve never felt better, and thanks to the power of Andrew Johnson’s hypnotic suggestion, letting alcohol go from my life has actually been easy. It’s like a weight has been lifted from my mind and body, and I’m free to spend my evenings in more healthy ways.

The second change I’ve made to my life, which I started in June this year, is doing regular physical exercise. I always knew that physical exercise would help me feel better, but I also always found an excuse not to do it. What has made all the difference has been setting small, achievable goals: one seven minute workout, at least five times a week. Seven minutes is such a short amount of time that even if you’re feeling lazy, you can still do it. Go on, just seven minutes! And there are many high-quality, free apps if you search for ‘seven minute workout’ ¹. I’ve been mixing that with bite-sized yoga sessions, 15 minutes long, with the beautiful Yoga Studio app.

Lift.do tells me that since I started in early June, I’ve done checked in to the physical exercise habit 70 times. That’s almost every day. And it’s not because I’m super-motivated, it’s because I’m using the right tools and have achievable goals.

The third change is unloading stuff from my mind. I posted before about how being more productive has given me more inner calm. The key has been making sure every job, no matter how small (remember to polish my shoes) or big (pass driving test), goes onto a list. The app I use to track my lists is great and it’s called Things ². When it’s out of my mind and onto a list, as long as I have a good system of checking the lists, my mind can let go of the tasks. So it’s emptier and freer to think about other things, or just to relax.

A few people have asked me how life has been different since leaving Facebook. Undoubtedly, when I closed my personal account, a huge amount of stuff—some good, some bad—was unloaded from my mind. And I haven’t regretted that for even one second.

Thank you to all the people who have devoted themselves to creating these amazing systems and apps. (I’m not talking about Mark Zuckerberg here, rather, Andrew Johnson, the team behind Lift.do and Yoga Studio, that really cool fitness trainer in my seven minute workout app and the developers that made it a reality, Cultured Code, and David Allen for Getting Things Done.). And thank you to the core of potential and strength within me—and you—that has taken hold of these tools and made my vision of health into a reality.

And now it’s your turn. How has technology helped you live a healthier life?

P.S. If you use the lift.do app, please follow me—accountability encourages successful habit forming. Just search for oldmankit within the app.

Notes:

The one I use is Johnson and Johnson’s Seven Minute Workout. ↩
It’s Apple only, sorry, but there are so many out there. One is sure to be right for you. ↩

pimply cold alcoholic turkeys

I love a good drink. If I make the effort to cook-up some good Italian food, I usually open a bottle of wine. To be honest with you, I hope I will always be able to enjoy alcohol like this. This is healthy drinking.

The unhealthy side is when I use alcohol to ease inner tension. It’s very easy to spot when I am doing this, but I often do not want to see the truth: some time about mid-afternoon, I get a bit tired (after spending too long in front of a computer) a bit tense, a bit on edge. It’s just the way my daily cycle goes at the moment. For a long time, this feeling was a cue for me to drink, or at least to look forward to drinking when the working day was done. I would ride an edginess that promised a future resolution: the fresh taste of a nice cool beer. Ahhh, relaxtion, the good life, letting-go.

But this sucks. It’s alcohol dependency. It was every day.

Now that I’ve consciously clocked these processes, and decided to make a positive change, things are getting interesting. When I feel uptight and in need of a drink, I tell myself that I’m not going to get one. Chug-stutter-groan- Can you feel the gears shifting in my internal universe? Can you feel metal grate on metal?

I’m left without my comfort blanket and am out in the cold. But I get to ask some interesting questions. Why did I let myself get uptight? Why didn’t I take breaks from my computer, from thinking? Why didn’t I do some stretches, and breathe some beautiful air?

This is all basic stuff. If you put bad food into a human, you get bad humanity coming out. If you force your brain into over-activity for extended periods of time, you get stress. You put a sedative in and the stress goes. Or you stop the stress building-up in the first place.

But now that I’m sitting out in the cold, I’m quite enjoying it. Blanketless, the chill night air touches my skin, and I feel. Consciously. Aliveness beckons and says to my groaning being that more freedom is possible.

I know someone who alternately drinks way too much, and then goes for a year without any alcohol. I think he is right when he says that it’s easier to drink nothing than to drink just a little. But I will try and walk this space in between: to drink only for joy, not for comfort or tension relief. To drink as a celebration of good life, good food, and good company.